Monday, September 14, 2009

Some things are more fundamentally interconnected than others.

We're on the way to our friends' place for dinner. They've been living there for some months now, and this will be our first visit. Are we bad friends? On the face of it, yes. They don't live all that far away, and we've seen them at a favorite restaurant in the interval. However, this is the first invitation to have been made, probably the only before the madness of Christmas and all that blah de blah.

But... He and hubs have hung out on many weekends and hubs is usually the group chauffeur. Our house is usually the venue for draft nights and then all the boys descend like fast-food locusts.

The short story: big group, mostly couples now, spread geographically and vocationally. Minimum ten years' shared history.
How far is too far? Do we take turns having our friends over? Organize some kind of monthly roster? There was a motion to catch up on the third Sunday of every month, but Sunday is family dinner for some, monday dog club for someone else, tuesday a horrible clash with work, and so forth.
At what point do you say "Alright, YOU make the effort." And if you have to say that, maybe the friendship isn't worth the effort anymore.

Facebook, twitter, phone, yes yes, but for my friends I view these as avenues to face time, actual time. Not a replacement.

Away from the frustrations of theoretical human interaction, dinner awaits. It may require actual interaction, but we shall see.

a brief memorandum: dinner was lovely. Face time is a precious thing. Thank you, our lovely friends.


Optimistic Pessimist said...

I say you pick a day and if people can't make it they can't make it. Utilitarianism - the greatest good for the greatest number of people.

suzukisinger said...

hmmm. Perhaps we should revisit this, chelsea???
Handpicked family dinner???

Linda McIver said...

I have so been here. I relate. (and am at risk of the whole "yes, yes, OH YES!" thing again. :-)

I gave up for a while. Then instituted the "last Sunday of the month", at whichever household wants to volunteer that month. Our house is usually the fall-back position, and we make it an afternoon tea, so that no-one has to work very hard, wherever it is. (also easier with munchkins)

For a while it was *always* at our house, and I threw a small tanty and gave up on it for a few months. Then it got picked up again, and now it moves around fairly consistently. Some months it's two families, sometimes it's 20. Oddly enough the times it's two are often the most satisfying. :) But it's working.

I think an occasional tanty helps to keep people focused. :) It's frustrating being the organiser - sometimes it's just because your time constant is shorter (sorry, can't help the geek-speak) and you are simply programmed to seek people out faster than other people seek you. Bottom line - is it fun when it happens??

And when all else fails, take a leaf out of Terry Pratchett's book and prod buttock. :-)

omchelsea said...

Oh man... you know, I just don't have the energy to deal with everyone's trauma (or supposed trauma). Not to mention the issue of geography and people cracking the sads because we have a couple here, a couple there, and then massive scatter. I would embrace the "our place last Sunday" thing but I don't have the personal resilience to rebuff all the issues bound to arise...
But then this is also a bad time to discuss any kind of 'new plans!" stuff. I'll get there.

Linda: see you Sunday! I may be a little manic, apologies in advance :)

Linda McIver said...

Sounds like it's tanty time! Make someone else do the work. :)

Manic is good. I'll be manic myself, I'm sure. At least, I hope I will, if I can throw this damned cold!