Monday, June 7, 2010

A new chapter begins.

Sunday: my first book club. It was almost accidental; my mother-in-law passed on the book, I read it, she told me when they were discussing it. I invited myself along (basically) and so it went.
The Secret Cure, by Kate?Sue? Woolfe; autism, asperger’s, isolation and hope. Nicely written, a little slow in places, a good blend of historical happenstance (German research papers lying untranslated for twenty years while the same behavioural traits puzzled scientists across the globe), and fly-on-the-wall detail.

Until we can quantify the genetic slip that produces autistic behaviours we will never know how much of these are down to environment rather than genes; as with any child, environmental factors have the ability to shape a personality and stifle abilities just as much as nurture them.

My hypothesis: we are all somewhere on the autistic spectrum. But where on that spectrum do we draw a line and say this is a problem?

We most frequently identify autism from it’s negative affects; little or no speech, headbanging, obsessive-compulsive behaviour and attachment to ritual, sensory sensitivity, an aversion to touch and a multitude of others.

Rarely do we diagnose on the basis of it’s potential strengths; mnemonic and linguistic, high mathematical and/or musical aptitude, the ability to think innovatively and with attention to detail that would bore the average person.

I wonder that if by limiting our children to a narrow ribbon of ‘normality’ we risk losing the potential for brilliance; by selecting behavior on the bell curve we lose the richness of what might be.

On the people side: I hate small talk. There’s nothing quite as bad as enduring pleasantries (when they are just that, formulaic and perfunctory) with a one-of-encounter. The type of person who lives three hours away, works a job, has a family. In short, you or me. (Wow, shying away from social encounters. I must be autistic.)

There is something very refreshing about meeting people for an explicit purpose. We are here to talk about this book. Not what they do for forty hours per week, or how many children they have, or their daughter’s upcoming wedding, but this book.

Of course, our context is apparent from our contributions to the discussion: we can only relate from our own sphere of experience, but somehow this subtle dissemination of information is so much better than the blindingly obvious.

One woman has brought a Wikipedia profile of the author, so we can tease apart her inspiration; another hasn’t finished the book but is fascinated by it’s concepts, promises to finish it before it goes back to the library. The mother of young children muses on the nature versus nurture element, the sensory overstimulation we all receive on a constant basis, and the dietician weighs in with the additive/wheat side of the equation. There is so much knowledge embodied in the three?four? generations around this table.

Good coffee, beautiful food: the discussion never runs dry. The first Sunday morning of the month is hereby reserved for book club. What are you reading? 

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Please look in the mirror before you leave the house.

Wow. That black keyhole-backed dress is fantastic. Tight, short, great opaques, nice boots, very attractive beige bra hanging out the back - HOLY CRAP WOMAN, DID NO-ONE TELL YOU THAT'S UNDERWEAR?

We're in the bar, birthday celebrations (not mine) well underway, when she strolls in with boy and promptly turns her back on me to embrace someone. If the bra was black and lacy, ok. Maybe. But it's a dingy beige that once pretended to be SOMEONE's skin color. Functional rather than attractive (the two have been known to meet in one garment, but not this one).

And the beauty of  this keyhole dress, showcasing several vertebrae, is that it draws the observer's focus - BANG! - right onto the hooks-and-eyes mechanism that allows a bra to carry out it's function (usually lift and separate).

One glass of red drained and another on the go, my fingers are actually, perceptibly ITCHING to unsnap her bra. If I had suddenly found myself possessed of that boyish skill (unhooking with a it's practically single hand) I can't swear I would have abstained.

What would I have done in her position? Honestly, probably gone without. Or found something pretty and show-offy that screamed DER, of COURSE you're meant to see this, why else would I have worn a ruby-red lacy bra... or whatever.

Sigh. I do so dislike stupid people.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

We know your cup overfloweth... Do you?

Someone incredibly wise recently said "Women of the world, get your bra professionally fitted. You have nothing to lose but your double breasts."...

Which, let's face it, look ridiculous. For some reason we Australians celebrate those who take the plunge without stopping to consider their bust size and whether their breasts really truly ACTUALLY fit inside that (sequined, eye-catching) excuse for a bra masquerading as evening wear.

Silicon does not get more attractive when you squish it agains your (bony, orange) clavicles and don a garment that fitted your pre-augmentation breasts. Do the math: $8,000 on new breasts? Dude, splash out on a new bra. Seriously. Not just some triangular nipple covers, but something that will support, uplift, even showcase your assets without cutting them in half. After all, we know you already performed asset division with your previous partner.

Wearing a bandeau dress? Strapless bra? Sure. Do it. Again, less of the divide and more of the conquer. Putting a horizontal dent across your frontage gives the slimmest girl the look of a melting candle wrapped in bike tyres.

Just do it. Gird your loins, commit half an hour of your life and buy a bra that fits your breasts. Tomorrow.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Poor old people.

So. The Great Wall of books that's been precariously balanced on our sideboard for approximately three months while friends take all the decent stuff out of it? (Don't get me wrong, we encouraged them to. We even gave them green bags and made recommendations.)

It's gone. I chucked a tantrum last night and renewed my efforts to rid our house of Crap We Don't Need.
Four 50L boxes and four green bags. I didn't count as I packed, but maybe 150 - 200 books? They filled the back of my jeepy little car, and off I set to enrich a charitable foundation.

Thwarted. Just five minutes away are two brotherhood bins, which I've donated stuff to before. They're on a main road and must be serviced often -there's not usually a load of excess stuff lying around them. I pull up, get out, start thinking about the logistics of 'posting' all these fricking books through the maws of doom, and become aware that some old guy has wandered over to tell me off.

Apparently the truck has just been and won't be back for a while, I shouldn't fill up this useful space with BOOKS and just where did all this stuff come from anyway?
The last said while peering intently through the back of my car. Actually, it was "Where did you get all this stuff, anyway?" like I must have stolen it, or was revenging myself upon a librarian ex-boyfriend. God forbid I should be capable of reading an actual book, or even worse, many.

"Ah... my HOUSE?!"
"What, ALL those books?"

Ok, I have a naughty side.
"Well, I've just found out I'm illiterate."

Said, I confess, in much the same way as "I have an inoperable brain tumor," or "My ability to think has just been wished away by a vengeful fairy godmother and I'm going to spend the rest of my life camped in Centrelink."

He wasn't very happy. I blame tv, for burdening impressionable old people with erroneous stereotypes of the young people of today. He probably thought I was serious.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Scarf on, scarf off.




I've just had an earth-shattering epiphany. Ok, it's summer. (It most certainly is not, but bear with me here.) I check the next day's weather compulsively, plan what to wear (rather, what not to wear if I don't want to die of heatstroke), put together an outfit and check the forecast again the next morning before I get dressed just to make sure nothing has changed in the intervening seven hours (this is Melbourne, anyhing could happen).

Winter: wake up, get dressed. There will be jeans. There will be layers. There will be a hell of a lot of black. And herein lies the answer to Melbourne's famously monochromatic fashion. Over the course of a typical 'chilly' day there may be any and indeed all of the following: blue skies, sleet, cutting wind, patches of sunshine, hail, rain and overheated shops/stuffy trams/congested pavements.

All of which require layering up, shedding down, reassembling and stashing and hastily wrapping in futile attempts to stay temperate. I'm not sure I'm qualified to stay dressed. The answer? My car. Never tidy at the best of times, it's a wardrobe on wheels. I counted five cardis on the passenger seat: dark grey hooded, loose black, tight black, grey cropped and black cape-y thing. Explains why I can never find any inside, but resembling homeless person starting to get a little ridiculous.
Save me.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

I wasn't a zombie the last time I looked...

... so why am I suddenly falling apart?
"Pop."
It was a quiet, innocuous kind of sound, except for it's location.

My left hip. Yeah, INSIDE my body. Bones still in their original shape (i.e. not broken) and still inside a meat case are not meant to make those disturbing kinds of sounds. Nor, am I sure, are they meant to feel like that. Argh.

It just slipped casually out of joint, as you might expect if doing something particularly strenuous, like walking down the street. Grind, grind, grind... and twenty-four hours later I'm realising just how damn inconvenient this is. Ballet? Yeah, oodles of fun. Touching my toes is painful, walking no bucket of joy, so let's not discuss attempting a developpe, or casually throwing one leg back into arabesque.

I suppose I'm a lot luckier than the parent currently on crutches for six weeks. She tore hip cartilage - sitting down. Yep. Ordinary is when we hurt ourselves. Ordinary is when we realise just how much we take for granted.

Ordinary is this damn chunk of my body throbbing (in a nasty way) as I sit on the couch bemoaning the stupid of my hip joints to the vast internets.

And if you tell me that this is the universe actioning my slow-down then I'll hunt you down and smack you. Hard. I may even club you round the head with

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Whoosh


Another term, another concert... Another magic release and tournament among friends. Another mothers' day and handing back a friend's dog (we babysat while they honeymooned).

Wait. Their honeymoon's over already? We just went to their wedding... Three weeks ago.
What do you mean it's nearly (ballet) exam time?

That means I have to start thinking about (ballet) concert music. And the next violin concert? A paltry five weeks away, and then it's caberet night, and another (violin) concert...

I'm not sure I can continue at this pace. Don't get me wrong, I make time to sit down and drink coffee. I even read. But between all the little markers of my year, the months are blurring past at a frightening velocity.

I find myself talking about the end of the year, even entertaining the idea of my hypothetical existence in 2011. How do I return to my blissfully ignorant state of week-by-week? Hell, month-by-month would be quite fine.

I am sickeningly certain those days of elysian unawareness may be correlated with a state of no financial obligations. And that since I like having a car and a place to live far more than any reasonable person should, I shall have to stay in the driver's seat.

No smartass remarks about being a passenger, thanks, it doesn't marry well with my control issues.