Thursday, May 27, 2010

We know your cup overfloweth... Do you?

Someone incredibly wise recently said "Women of the world, get your bra professionally fitted. You have nothing to lose but your double breasts."...

Which, let's face it, look ridiculous. For some reason we Australians celebrate those who take the plunge without stopping to consider their bust size and whether their breasts really truly ACTUALLY fit inside that (sequined, eye-catching) excuse for a bra masquerading as evening wear.

Silicon does not get more attractive when you squish it agains your (bony, orange) clavicles and don a garment that fitted your pre-augmentation breasts. Do the math: $8,000 on new breasts? Dude, splash out on a new bra. Seriously. Not just some triangular nipple covers, but something that will support, uplift, even showcase your assets without cutting them in half. After all, we know you already performed asset division with your previous partner.

Wearing a bandeau dress? Strapless bra? Sure. Do it. Again, less of the divide and more of the conquer. Putting a horizontal dent across your frontage gives the slimmest girl the look of a melting candle wrapped in bike tyres.

Just do it. Gird your loins, commit half an hour of your life and buy a bra that fits your breasts. Tomorrow.

3 comments:

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Man, the double boob should be illegal. It's like a lady has udders. If your cup runneth over, get a bigger cup! :)

Same with back boobs. If you have giant back boobs, get a bigger band!

I had a friend who wore a 38 B for years, spilling out all over the place and when she finally got measured she was a 34DD. Oops! She always had the double boob thing going on.

Anonymous said...

love your work! you forgot to mention is also enhances the onlookers feast for the eyes!

Anonymous said...

Almost as bad as muffin top jeans I totally agree with you. Big breasted women embrace those breasts and support them you just don't how long you may have them for. Support Breast Cancer.