Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Crazy dog lady.

Feeling depressed? At odds with it all, deranged by grief, or just blue?
Come on over. I'll make you a coffee and pull up a ringside seat to feed the pug.

Yep. Feed the pug.

First there's the dance of "Here is my bowl - you didn't see my bowl? It's just here. I helpfully check it eight or nine times a day just to make sure that you haven't left me any love gifts. See how it's all shiny and silver and empty? That's because you haven't fed me. Did I mention I'm a little hungry? Gee, why don't you just drop a tasty morsel in this handy dog-feed-receptacle at floor height, aka MY EMPTY BOWL..." and so on.

If accompanied by the right verbal cues from anyone capable of putting food in the bowl, can go on for ten minutes. Well, that's usually when I lose interest.

Once food is in bowl but bowl has not yet landed on floor, the sit-negotiations can begin. I want Lucy (yes, the pug's name is Lucy) to sit over THERE and wait while I put her bowl down over HERE. That level of obedience is like pug rocket science.

Point A: pug location. Usually where bowl last touched ground.
Point B: where I want her to sit. Maybe three feet away.
Point C: where I'm standing.

"Sit!" (with pointing to point B gesture).
Pug: runs to B, jumps up and down, circles, runs around C and back to A ... and sits.
"Sit over HERE!"(B)
Pug: runs to B, jumps up and down, circles, runs around C and back to A ... and sits, licking her lips and grumbling in that way only a pug can manage.
Repeat. (with additional vocal effects over time)
Repeat.
Repeat.

One of us gives up and sits. Usually me.

Bowl lands and pug strains from sitting position with every fibre of her being without actually lifting her haunches from the ground (because then the whole "Sit!" palaver begins afresh). She has been known to fall over while attempting this manoeuvre.

Grand finale: Pug loses traction and runs in place for a second scrambling for bowl.
Don't even start with the faceplanting, gobbling, slurping, stopping to breathe and general grandstanding that takes place during the act of consumption. Just walk away content in the knowledge that in this sublime world is a being more ridiculous than you.

Me.

4 comments:

Langley said...

Can you make me a cup?

Brian Miller said...

lol. smiles.

Herding Cats said...

I love pugs. You are so lucky!

Matthew said...

Pugs. Never a dull moment.