Monday, September 21, 2009

bye bye hubs...

After days of packing (he's a very *thorough* person) hubs has boarded a plane to America and gone to talk to people about the many interesting things he does with code. (He's probably going to read this tomorrow, so I have to be nice!)
I was going to reply to suzukisinger and Linda in the comments section before I realised I'd probab;y go over the character maximum. Or maybe not. 

I get so frustrated seeing people trying to balance it all (family, work, keeping up with the Joneses) because they've bought into the deluded myth that we can have it all. You know what? We really can't. And that's fine as long as we accept that we don't have to. The happiest people I know are the ones who have made their choice. They've cut back on work & spending so they can have family time. They've decided not to have a family because they're workaholics who like being able to purchase what they want when they want. You get the picture. I'm DAMN human and feel my limitations keenly. 

Sisterhood. Yah. Definitely a few choice words I could spew. Having been to an all girls' school, a lot of things don't change. (To all those femmes out there who find themselves sharing the camraderie of guys happily, HI! You are not alone....and Linda, that made me laugh with great joy on Sunday!)

More honesty would be a nice thing. I think I've found a lot of it online, but it seems to be leaking out here BECAUSE we're largely too afraid to say it out loud. Actually, THIS isn't fair. Actually, my brain has liquified due to lack of sleep. Actually, YOU clean up this and pick up that and hang up this and prepare that... and THEN tell me what a sexbomb you are. Yeah. (Just to clarify: no targeted 'you's or 'we's... I'm just generalising and ranting.)

I have a habit of sitting a little outside myself and then summing up what's going on inside my head. Often this goes very wrong, as I return to earth a bit too quickly (AS I'm saying something quite ill-considered, mostly) or everyone thinks "Erk, look at the ice queen bitch....What did I do to HER?!"

I think that my brain should be labelled "Dangerous, do not open!" I'm sure I could get a very finely written tattoo right up close to my hairline...

The pug wants to sit on my lap. As long as she doesn't try typing, we should all be fine. She's starting quite intently at the cursor at the moment, so if I keep typing steadily, she might fall asleep. Or something.

Sleeping in? Dammit, you are PERFECTLY justified to rant about the absence of sleep-ins. 
I understand perfectly why I stayed every Saturday night at my grandparents' place; if I hadn't I may not have survived my infancy. I do remember that my mother very rarely got up before eight (I'm SURE that'll be hotly disputed!) and I'm pretty sure I was homeschooled so she didn't have to make a school run (ha!).  

Pffft. I wore a fairy dress to my 16th birthday party. Actually, that's not true. I campaigned enthusiastically for a costumed party SO I could wear this particular dress. I still have it. 
I think. 
I probably still have it. 

Hubs will tell you (no, I will!) that I have been known to change clothes four or five times before leaving the house. I have ballet clothes, dance clothes (very important distinction), boring teacher clothes, slightly eccentric teacher clothes, COMPLETELY eccentric teacher clothes and clothes I should never wear teaching. The only reason I can always wear (and that's CAN, not DO) vaguely relevant/complementary outfits is by having vast amounts of clothing at my disposal. Savers and I have happy, happy times. 

 I completely understand wearing a skirt that feels like heaven with a tee that's not only new and a birthday present, but ineffably COOL. I wish I'd brought you fairy wings. 
Oh, You're talking to someone who wears legwarmers with ballroom shoes and a full skirt (and gets told... can you hear it? "Hey, hey, wait! (thinking: No-one's ever said THIS before): "Oh, that is SO out of Fame.") and then laughs. And stamps on people's feet. 

Am I allowed to snigger at someone who says "Hey, you're heavier than you look"? I feel that's a LITTLE rude. I'm going to wear fat pants dancing tonight. MC Hammer-style pants. Bite me!


Hopeful for Happiness said...

You know, I've read your last two blogs with interest because it is soooo relevant to some of the conversations I have had over the last few days that I was moved to make comment.

My boss does buy into the idea that she can have it all. Humor me while I describe this to you, and I am not lying:

My bosses' day:

She is an executive, the main breadwinner of her family, managing a 100 head call centre, she has two young boys, 5 and 8yo. Every day she is up at 4.30am, does work for two hours, gets herself ready for work, gets the children out of bed, gets them ready to attend their private Greek school in Doncaster (no mean feat most days), takes the kids to school, comes into work, works out the day in a high pressure environment, goes to the gym after work, then goes and picks up the kids, makes dinner for herself, her husband and the kids, helps the kids with their homework and sits down with the 5yo to do his reader, then does their washing, makes their lunches, does the housework while they watch a bit of tv, gets the kids bathed, into bed, watches tv herself while doing the ironing, logs back in to do more work, gets to bed around 12.00am each night and still somehow finds time to catch up with girlfriends and siblings. And she travels interstate with me at least twice a month. When she is interstate her parents care for the children.

Gets up, goes to work (as a taxi driver), comes home, waits for her to cook him dinner, watches tv, goes to bed.

The weekends aren't much better with the kids in sports teams and music lessons.

Now, to my point - SHE IS IN COUNSELING because she feels like a failure, because after seven years of me watching her do this every day, she is no longer coping. She is even considering divorce, and her husband does not even know it.

I think the perhaps, as a united team it is possible to work towards having it all, but like she has said to me in the past few days - if she divorced her husband, it would make no difference to the lifestyle of her and her children, such is the lack of contribution on his behalf. Still she says she feels she couldn't leave him because of what it would do to the children emotionally. The fact that she even needs counseling concerns me on such a deep level, from my perspective she is a superwoman who has been doing too much for years. I'm surprised she hasn't cracked sooner.

Am I ranting? Yeah, I guess I am, but what you wrote about not being able to have it all really touched me in regard's to my bosses situation and her incorrect feelings of failure.

suzukisinger said...

too much. too much to even think about. I nearly stopped reading halfway!

here is my powerful concluding statement:
"Fairy wings. Don't leave home without them"

and we're done.

Hopeful for Happiness said...

Bring on the fairy wings.

omchelsea said...

Right. So:mission for tomorrow: fairy wings :)

Hopeful, THANK YOU. Your poor boss. That's ridiculous and obscene... and I can't imagine how she functions form day to day without homicide occurring.

SS, sorry! Oh man, I hope that wasn't an offensive thing that stopped you reading, but just my rantiness (which would be fine, because over coffee you can always throw up a hand and tell me to stop/slow down/recap.)

Linda in absentia: I'm glad you laughed. I'm not sure what triggered the tears, but bring on the laughter. Sweet dreams everyone, I have to get up in six hours so mow I'm REALLY going to bed.

Children of the 90s said...

I have the same clothes-changing habit every time I leave the house. It still baffles my boyfriend.

Lora said...

If your man is in my corner of Americrap, tell him to hit me up and I'll tell him where to get a bite that won't make him puke.

Also, I considered buying fairy wings at the masquerade store yesterday just for funsies.

Lora said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Linda McIver said...

A wonderful, wonderful post. Too many competitors for best line, but I think " I think that my brain should be labelled "Dangerous, do not open!" " may be the best line ever. anywhere.

More with the "yes! Yes! oh yes!" :-)
Might have to try making some fairy wings. I don't care what the question is, the answer is more sparkles!

suzukisinger said...

"i don't care what the question is, the answer is more sparkles"

I need to get off here and do something productive!!!

Kenna Christensen said...

your blog is absolutely charming! i love it. so real.

Connie said...

loved this post! agree with above commentor about too many competitors for best line!
p.s. just catching up on my "reading"
glad to know you've received the "gift of jewels" :)

Megan Rose said...

Blimey, I couldn't agree more.

When my husband and I gave up the big city life and moved to the country so that I could stay at home with our son, our friends called us mad. But I knew that I could easily turn into the woman that runs around like a mad thing, trying to have it all and feeling terrible.

Now we're even poorer than we were as students but we're having so much fun. Sure the money thing is stressful, but we get to spend a lot of time together, and we really know ourselves as a family. Of course, our friends and family still don't understand...

omchelsea said...

Connie: Thank you for stopping over! And your gift was BEAUTIFUL - you made me week! The bookmark is currently by my bed and it has made me smile so many times :)

Megan Rose: YAY! I just feel like not enough people make a conscious choice, or realise that their situation is a result of their actions and choices. We all need to take a little more individual responsibility. And thank you for coming over, and thank you even more for your comment!