Saturday, January 9, 2010

This is the way we chuck stuff out, chuck stuff out, chuck stuff out...

He ambles past the dining table for the third or fourth time, brandishing a handful of large books.
"Hey, you want a guide to a woman's body?"
"Ah, no thanks."
"Really? It has stuff... about women and bodies."

I look at the volume in hand. It's Woman's Body: A Manual for Life, by Dr. Miriam Stoppard. Awesome, I'm sure, but I have a woman's body of my own, thanks. One is plenty.
"Why do you even have that?"
"Um... I think my dad gave it to me. Maybe when we started going out, or something. Like here, get the hang of a woman's body!"
"Ah. Like a user's manual."
"Yeah, a how-to guide or something."

It's really all I can say. I don't even know when we will ever have occasion to unroll the Finding Nemo, Spiderman, and commemorative Mozilla: the launch posters that he carefully, carefully rolled up on the floor a few hours ago.

Attempting to get into the casting-off spirit, I have deposited the (soft toy) residue of many ex-boyfriends in a box for the op-shop. So much crap still to go.

New mantra: I am letting go of my crap to embrace the crap of my future children.

(Note to my relatives &co. reading this: there is no actual future child at this point in time and any future children mentioned herein are purely hypothetical and summoned forth for the express and sole purpose of facilitating the crap exodus from our house. Just so we're all clear. And if I catch ANY of you looking suspiciously at my abdomen tomorrow, there will be serious consequences. It's holidays and I'm eating too much. Deal with it. )

Further edited to add: after he threw out an armload (NO exaggeration) of holey socks, hubs sat down to read this post and (after giggling quite hard) queried "How do you know I was rolling them up to keep them?"
I raise an eyebrow.
"But I chucked some out!"
I raise an eyebrow.
"I did! They're in the box out there!"
"Oh, I believe you."
"And just so you know, I think the point was that it was a guide to women's MINDS and bodies. So I could, like, understand them. That's the key."

Did I mention that this book is in pristine condition?
I think he's rapidly deciding to keep it.


Mr London Street said...

If that book was a guide to women's minds is it too late to send it to me? I'll pay postage.

otin said...

The only book that I need is "If you don't stop, you will go blind!" hahah Makes you wonder why mens socks always have holes in them!? LOL!

Herding Cats said...

My boyfriend likes to keep a lot of ridiculous things. He refuses to let his "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" poster from 1990 go.

Langley said...

I have to agree with Mr London Street. If there was one book to teach men how women's minds worked.

I already know how their bodies work ;)

Hannah Miet said...

The sad thing is that some women do actually need guides to their own bodies...